Traditional Chinese Wedding Ceremony

 The proposal

This was the opening of the events. However the preliminary stages of the occasion did not involve the potential bride and groom, more their parents and a 'go between' or intermediary. This quote demonstrates why: “Marriage was for continuing the ancestral line and creating alliances between families –; too important a duty to be left in the rash hands of the young,"

So the intermediary goes to the potential bride's parents with gifts and begins the process in the first place by asking if they may be interested. If they are then the date and time of the daughter's birth is recorded on a document which is then set on the grooms family altar for three days.

During this time if any inauspicious things happen in relation to the grooms family - e.g. arguing etc then the process ceases. If nothing occurred then the next step was to give the document to an astrologer to determine if the match was good. If it was then the groom's document was taken by the intermediary to the bride's parents for the same process to happen.

Once both sides had positive feed back from the astrologers then the families met. They evaluated each other looking for signs of education, position, appearance and so on.

The betrothal

The two families exchanged family credentials as a sign of intention. They then negotiated and haggled the gifts and money that would be given to the bride's family for the lose of their daughter. A range  of auspicious dates were calculated by the astrologers and one date was set for the wedding and another for the exchange of the betrothal gifts.

The grooms family gave extensive gifts to the bride's family. Including tea, tobacco, decorative folded papers - simple origami, a set of poultry one female one male and bridal cakes. In return they received food and clothes.

Through the process of giving and receiving the pledge is taken. Neither side can back out unless both sides agree.

Preparing for the wedding day

The bride and her maids retreated to the cock loft and sang songs mourning the bride's departure from the family. The songs cursed her parents, the intermediary and the grooms parents. This was a sleep over. The day of the wedding is called "coming out of the cock loft"

Installing the bridal bed

The groom was responsible for organizing a new bed to be installed in the marital home. He sort the help of the astrologer to show him an auspicious hour to do this. With the help of a 'good luck lady'  to make the bed and young children to take part in the blessing of it too. The children represented fertility and the bed was strewn with tangerines, red dates, peanuts and other fruits. The children were encouraged to scramble over the bed in order to eat the fruits.

Wedding Day

The bride was bathed in pumelo to ward off evil spirits. Her hair was also dressed in a particular style demonstrating that she was married. During this time she was dressed in a red dress by a 'lucky lady' who said auspicious things to keep evil at bay, whilst dressing her. The bride was then carried to the main hall on the back of the 'lucky lady' to wait for the groom. During this time she donned a red silk veil and red shoes.

Groom's Procession

A noisy and colorful procession winded through the streets to the bride's house. Gongs, drums, firecrackers and sedan chairs to carry the betrothed. On arrival at the bride's home the groom was met by friends of the bride who in a good natured fashion refused entrance to the home until they had been sufficiently bribed with money in red envelopes. A bowl of translucent noodle soup was eaten symbolically before departure to the groom's house.

Bride's journey to groom house

The bride on leaving her parents home is entering the family of the groom. As she physically leaves, she joins the grooms family. The process begins in the same fashion as the arrival of the groom. The couple are carried in sedan chairs. Again with much commotion and ceremony.

The Wedding

In contrast to the European style of service, most of the ceremony has taken place. A short ceremony before the father of the groom by the family altar is all that occurs. The groom is dressed in red silk.

The banquets

Several feasts on both sides of the families. Often split in to males and females. The most important feast being that hosted by the groom's family on the day of the wedding.

The Day After

The bride woke early before dawn to attend to the groom's ancestors at the family altar. After which she was formally presented to the groom's relatives.

With thanks to Chinese Wedding Traditions

Karsten with ceremonial simple origami design -  it's really early!

It's a deal!

In laws with money and ceremonial simple origami

Counting bribe money

Lunch for 400 people

Firecrackers!

Contemporary Chinese Wedding Ceremony

The Proposal

Karsten has visited the family on several occasions over their relationship. They came back from once such visit in 2006 with the happy news of engagement. I do know that the people of China take marriage seriously and on the whole marry early on in life. Karsten being a receptive person picked up on this and Qiao accepted his proposal.

The Betrothal

The two sets of parents exchanged presents which will have included tea and sweets over the course of the engagement. The intermediaries being Karsten & Qiao! On New Year's Eve the day before the wedding we all gathered in the parents flat to witness Karsten's father Wolfgang hand over a briefcase full of money. Imagine two men whose children have fallen in love, standing in front of each other barely able to exchange any words. That's how it was! The smiles on those two in laws faces did all the talking! There was a bit of theatre as the brief case was dragged through the door of the flat and presented. After this moment there was a photo session in which the simple origami wedding design was the centre piece.

Preparing For The Wedding Day

The preparation of the day was in two distinct stages. The long term planning by the Europeans invited and the Wedding day itself. Let's cover the First stage. We were told by Karsten to book flights for the Christmas and New Year period. Wanting a good price personally i booked our tickets in April. As a colleague used to say ' always have a holiday booked, something to look forward to'. So over the months prior to Christmas plans were made and flights booked. Questions like 'Where are we staying?' and 'What's the weather going to be like' begin in September.

The day of departure arrived for each  group that was going. Karstens parents were on tour in the North of China several weeks before anyone else was arriving. My girl friend Monica and i had to leave Christmas lunch early with the fear that Heathrow airport might come to a grinding halt due to fog! So over the next few days leading up to New Year the travelers arrived. The group swelled to twenty five and Rui Guang was extremely busy!

moving to the latter stage the actually wedding preparations now. Qiao and Karsten were out in the town of Huang Jiang with a huge check list of tasks. Wedding hall decorations, visit to the tailor for bride and groom, organize food for a huge amount of people - in the region of 1,400! Keep guests busy with activities, coordinate cavalcade for procession (find cars), delegate drivers - Europeans at the wheel? Absolutely! Source wedding video company, get red shoes, find red umbrella, buy a lot of red envelopes, organize for the simple origami wedding decorations to be made and posted, get the wedding cavalcade decorated. Keep guests busy with more activities.Getting a hairdresser in for a pre wedding set, must have more firecrackers! Every detail was thought of. Not suprising since Qiao is an accountant and Karsten an architect!

The groom's preparation was also detailed. As his friends the men and married women had to assist Karsten in getting his bride Qiao from the parents flat. Somewhere between the traditional Chinese wedding process from 2,000 odd years ago and today, someone introduced the idea of locking the bride away for the groom to break her out. We believe that this a speciality of the region. Our preparation included sizing up the structures of the flat which might prevent our ingression. Between us were at least three artetects and one building engineer. Their professional eye took in the fact that there were one possibly two steel doors which may be locked.

Steel doors? How do we get through those? Good question. Does anybody know the Chinese for 'crow bar'? Nor did we! But that's what we went off in search of on New Year's eve. Four of use visited a number of hardware stores hoping for some luck. Eventually after some considerable searching and with the help of skillful interpretation we managed to 'rent' a crow bar for the princely sum of 50 Yuann ($6 US). Probably enough for a few more tools but never mind those doors were steel!

The family has been to the astrologer and told that New Years Day 2008 was auspicious. 8 is a lucky number in the region. We were also told that the breaking and entering had to happen before 6.30 AM! Yup that's right 25 Europeans had to be up and about at 4.45 to get the show on the road. The final part of the preparation was counting bribe money for the bridesmaids locked in the bride's room.

The Grooms Procession

At 4.45 AM the alarm went off! I had been delegated to drive the unmarried women from the hotel to the flat to act as bridesmaids for Qiao. This is traditional. So we had Europeans acting out the rituals of Chinese weddings - how cool is that? Back to the story, the men and married women descended on the flat in a cars predominately borrowed from the mayor of the town. So we're standing about outside at 6 AM waiting to be let in. For security reasons the door on to the street is not supposed to be broken. We're allowed in upstairs but still have to wait. Qiao's hair is being given the Wedding Ritual indicating marriage. It's coffee for us rather than noodles. Although the brides family has noodles for breakfast.

Wedding Ceremony

Then we are allowed in to the flat. It's only one steel door we have to break. The family is eating the traditional noodles and drinking tea. So on mass we approach the steel door. It's got bars with gaps in between. The children of the extended family have taken it upon themselves to spray Karsten and the rest of us with party foam. Fortunately there is an empty tangerine box, made from cardboard which Karsten is able to cut holes in and wear. He looks daft but it works. He studies the door and we advise on the best place to plant the end for best leverage. After a couple of wrenches the door flies open - BANG! Into the wall. leaving plaster on the floor! Karsten wanted his bride! The next door was wood and that with held three brutal kicks from the groom's Paul Smith shoes.

We're in! The bridesmaids flock forwards palms outstretched! They know the drill with the envelopes! They are supposed to tell us were the second red shoe is in the room. Their combined memories are poor! More money they cry! We searched hi and low. Cupboards, wardrobes, suitcases, under the desk, behind the bed everywhere but no shoe! Then Qiao's brother Rui Guang takes a seat on the computer hard drive. What a strange thing to do! Why now? So i ask him to move - refusal! Instead i employ some old fashioned elbow grease and physically move him out of the way! It's got to be in the hard drive! Jannic (Irish/Polish) is on to the case with a screwdriver (we had those too!) and suddenly the search is over!

With much rejoicing Karsten put the shoe on to Qiao's foot. They are now officially married! Karsten swept Qiao off her feet and in to the sitting room - main hall and then they both left the flat.Qiao is leaving one family and going to another. Her room was converted the next day in to her Father's office!

Brides Journey Back To Grooms House

The newly weds are escorted outside and then have a red umbrella over there them to the waiting cars. The firecrackers are riping the dawn silence to threads! The procession is led by the Mercedes containing Qiao and Karsten. We weave through the streets ably assisted by the firecrackers being thrown from a pick up truck. The camera man is leaning as cameramen do, precariously from the sun roof. We arrive at the hotel - it's supposed to be the grooms home. It was for two nights!

Ironically there is a flag raising in progress and the hotel staff are bringing in the New Year with a bit of saluting and a speech. I know what your thinking Chinese New Year's not till February - they celebrate both!

Installing The Bridal Bed

We are fortunate! Two great aunts are preparing the bed in the presidential suite for the blessing. 'lucky ladies'? - check, fruit? - check, children to find fruit? - check! The bed is thoroughly made with sheets and blankets brought specially. The whole process being watched by exhausted wedding guests. Off to a quick breakfast downstairs and then rest.

Banquets

There where two banquets through the wedding day. The first was an early lunch from 11AM. This one was smaller than the second. Around 400 people from Qiao's village attended. It was like a conveyor belt. Villagers arrived and found tables within the hall, food was brought and then demolished rapidly. Those people departed, full and happy. It's impractical to expect to get 400 people in to the hall at one time. The army of chefs moved fluidly in order to keep the food coming. Pork,Chickens, Geese, Prawns, Rice, Mushrooms, Broccoli, corquette and other vegetables. At round 2pm we staggered out full for a few hours of respite before the main evening banquet.

At 4.30pm the European contingent gathered once more in the courtyard of the wedding hall (which was once a factory). We stood in the sun drinking Tsing Tao beers and watched as the bride and groom took the responsibility of greeting all of around 1,000 guests! Each group of guests presented themselves carrying a red envelope containing money. Flanked by the best man and maid of honour along with family, Qiao and Karsten stood at the gates for three hours. To begin with the sun was warm on our collective backs, when it had set the cool evening air seeped into our clothes. In the end some of us huddled round a fire which was being used to cook rice.

Party
After the meal had finished we returned to the presidential suite in the hotel. It was party time! Someone had thoughtfully taken the simple origami design representing marriage with them to the suite. It looked over all of us as the music bleared and beer flowed in to the small hours. The only casuality was the chandlier which suffered a direct hit from an enormous party popper aimed by the groom and his brother!
Many thanks to Qiao's family for this amazing experience!

 experienc